I am full of good intentions. I care about people. I care about justice. I want to make the world around myself a better place.
But I am also stubborn. I know how I want to the world to be and I am not always willing to listen to others’ ideas.
I can be passionate. So much so that in the moment, I may spout off and blame people of things that are not true. Or I might assume the worst in people and not consider all the nuances that went into their decisions or statements.
I want to stand up for those I feel are marginalized. Yet sometimes I do this by trying to tear others down through insults and sarcasm.
I want to do a lot. But I often overcommit myself and work in ways that are not productive and then become so exhausted that I end up crashing without doing anything.
I am full of good intentions.
But I don’t always know how to focus.
There is a lot I need to work on. I need to be more mindful, more careful, more humble. I need to be less controlling, less reactive, less cynical.
I can say (without hubris) that I am a lot better today than I was several years ago.
I can say (without deprecation) that I am not as good today as I need to be.
My journey in sobriety has taught me several valuable lessons. One of them is how to be self-reflective. I am more able today to look at myself and recognize what is lacking. But I have also learned that my shortcomings can and will be removed–but I will not do the removal.
In our journeys of sobriety and spirituality, we all must come to the acknowledgement that God will do the removal. All of those things about ourselves that are lacking will be removed by God.
If only we are willing.