Have you ever heard the joke: “I don’t know how to act my age. I have never been this age before.”?
Haha! Very funny! Only…it’s kind of true.
There are some days that I have absolutely no idea how to act—I don’t know what to do or what to say. I am afraid that everything I want to say and do is the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time. I just do my best to fake it until I can go to bed.
I have been married for 18 years now. I usually think that 18 years of experience in any given thing makes one an expert. But there are days I look at my spouse and think I have absolutely no idea how to be a good husband. Most days we laugh and get along great. But there are those days when one of us just says something so incredibly stupid it boggles the mind (I’m often the one saying that stuff). Some nights I go to bed thinking, “I need to figure out how to make up for this.”
I have three kids. I love being a dad. I love watching them as their gifts and talents grow. They are all smart and loving and gifted in a variety of different ways. But they are teenagers. So many days I cannot say or do anything right. I am often “lame.” And I often get called out on it, too. So many days I have realized that I cannot come up with the right thing to say to help them through whatever they are facing. I try to be there for them, set boundaries for them, nurture them, and so on, but I feel like I have just angered them in some way.
I want to be a good employee. I love my job. I get to work with people who are discovering their talents and getting connected with their goal careers. Some days. I am on the ball—people are learning and growing and making new realizations and getting closer to their goals. And other days, I am just left at a loss with how to help. Some days, I get questions that I can’t answer. Some days, I realize that I forgot to do something the day before and I have let someone down. Some days, I have to admit that I can’t help everyone.
There are so many other categories I can go into. I can talk about my volunteer work at church. I can talk about my time spent with people in 12 step recovery. I can talk about my desire to be more vocal and more active in helping people who face injustice every day. I am fully aware of all my failures and all the ways I could have done better. (I am also aware of the ways I have done the right thing.)
I am just trying to maneuver through this life in a way that pleases God and helps others. Some days, I do better than others.
And I think that makes me human.
I don’t know about you, but that is a difficult thing for me to allow myself to be. Because to be human means to be imperfect; to make mistakes. To be human means to struggle with decisions, temptations, addictions. To be human means to be in relationship…and that requires vulnerability.
To be human means that some days I am going to fake it.
Please feel free to join me. I have a feeling I am not alone.
So what about it, readers? Anyone else have to fake it through one (or more) days? How do you deal? Join in the conversation!