What Would You Think About Me If…

What would you think about me if you knew…

…I am a parent. And some days I have no idea what I am doing. I am afraid that my words will cut down instead of build up. I am afraid that my frustration shows through and my kids are uncomfortable coming to me. I am afraid to answer their tough, deep questions because I wonder what might happen if I tell them the wrong thing. I am afraid about the things they are going to face in life because I do not know if I am equipped to deal with their issues.

…I am a husband. And some days it is really hard to be married. I love my wife but some days I have to remind myself of that fact. I struggle with what to say and what not to say. I want to be taken care of and not concern myself with her well-being: physical or emotional. Other times, I feel like I cannot love her enough. I am not worthy enough to deserve her love.

…I am a teacher. And some days I am terrified to stand up in front of my class because I feel I have nothing to offer. Do I really know what I am doing? Or what I am talking about? What happens if I make the wrong suggestion or say the wrong thing? What if one of my students challenges me? Am I ready to explain why I teach what I teach? Am I really the best person for this job?

…I am a friend. And some days I dread hearing my phone ring because talking to other people takes a lot of energy. I really love my friends, but quite often I love from a distance and with silence. So many times I think about and pray about my friends, but I don’t say anything out loud. Do they know that I still care?

…I am a recovering alcoholic. And some days I wonder if taking a drink would really be that big of a deal. I don’t want to drink, but sometimes I want to know that I can have the option to drink. Would anyone notice? Would all that crap actually come back and rear its ugly head again?

…I am a man with faith in God. And some days I wonder exactly what I believe and Who I believe in. I believe. But some days the pain, hurt, and confusion leaves me asking if there really is anything to believe in. New information and new understanding of old information leads me to question things I have believed most of my life, and if I can question anything then shouldn’t I question everything?

…I am a Christian. And some days I do and say things I am ashamed of. I hate to admit that I struggle with temptation. I hate that some days I am selfish and prideful. Some days my lust is stronger than my desire for intimacy. Sometimes I even say bad words. Too often, I am silent when I should speak up. Some days I even ask, “How long before my portion of grace runs out?”

Let me tell you what I would think about you if I knew those things about you: I would think you are just like me.

And some days, that is all I need to know.

2 thoughts on “What Would You Think About Me If…

  1. This is all good. I have these same (or similar) doubts and fear and struggles and some days they overwhelm me. Mostly I try to stay out of my own head, but that is easier said than done when I am … tired. Or sick. Or something bad happens. Or I have too little time with people (extrovert problem). I really love that you share and I am also glad that it does not change the way I love you (and Shawna) at all. In fact, it just makes it easier. No pretenses. 😉

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